Yes, I’ll Be There But I’m Hopeless

Dear, Mr. Lonely

If you need someone whom you want to share your story with, I will. You can tell me anything, anytime. I’ll be listening to your story passionately, patiently, and warmly.

If you need someone to hold your hand, I’d be there to hold your hand. To calm you, make you feel like in heaven. I’d be there to be your angel.

I know I’m not perfect one, that beautiful and sophisticated woman. I know I’m not the person whom your mother wants. But I know I’m the one who loves you with full of my heart.

I write it to you: I just want you to know what I feel. No, this isn’t my hopelessness. It’s just little words that always crowds in my mind. So, I just want to share it with you.

You said that you’re hopeless and couldn’t give any hopes. I could accept it and I have had that short relationship with you. Maybe our “short relationship” is over. Because you have choose someone that I will never know. Maybe our “short relationship” is over. Because we don’t keep it stronger ‘cause I’m afraid that I will disturb you.

I appreciate our “one night stand” or if I could say “one night love” because (I’m so sorry) I put (as you know) love in it. Not only “desire” but also love. I enjoyed every second I wasted with you. And you will never know how I was so happy being there. That I could be on your side, touch every inches of your skin and feel the feeling. And maybe only me that feels it. You don’t.

I’m sorry if I’ve ever “ngerepotin” you. If I asked for your help, it didn’t mean that I use you. I just know only you who could help me. And I know you will help me kindly. But your rejection wakes me up.

You change. Change to somebody I’ve never known. Change from someone who tells me anything about yourself. Someone who shared about “the unsatisfied willing”. It makes you can’t get or through the life you chosen, but life they chose.

Maybe you don’t have the feelings like I have and maybe you feel satisfied enough after taste me. Now, you don’t need me anymore then you trash me into the bin after getting another person who might be much more better than me.

I'm losing my hope